Why Jennifer Lopez’s divorce decree should be no surprise to her star-crossed fans
It’s the last gasp of Leo season, folks, and Jennifer Lopez is one lion hell-bent and hair-high on not going gently into that good night.
In the illustrious history of Leos being Leos, a few moments stand out as a glaring testament to the dramatic archetype of this fixed fire sign: Madonna’s 2012 Superbowl halftime performance; Napoleon Bonaparte every day of his life; Slash keeping a mountain lion as a pet; Kylie Jenner wearing a lion’s head; Mick Jagger marrying Bianca because she looked like him; Stanley Kubrick writing a 15-page manual for how to care for his pet cat; and Whitney Houston playing Brandy’s fairy godmother in a “Cinderella” adaptation.
And now Jennifer Lopez has added a fresh crown jewel to that litter box by filing for divorce from Ben Affleck on what would have been their second wedding anniversary.
J.Lo reportedly wanted the news to “sting.”
Well, duh. Leo is oxygenated equally by attention and drama, often using the latter to secure the former.
As a refresher, Jennifer Lopez was delivered unto us on July 24, 1969, making our girl a “love me, love me, say that you love me” Leo sun with a cobwebs and conspiracy theories Scorpio moon.
Rulers of the fifth house of pleasure, romance and games of chance, Leos love to play, but they also play to win — and when made to lose, no sign suffers failure more deeply or takes rejection more personally.
See Lopez revealing that she felt like she “was going to die” after calling off her first engagement to Affleck and, in this latest breakup, leaning full tilt and whole mane into her dolce vita as vengeance motif.
In a world that demands we be less, Lopez’s extra is downright aspirational.
Since the couple first sparked breakup rumors last spring, Lopez has been ON one, living it up for the hungry oculus of the public eye, wearing heels and sneaking selfies while boating in Italy, staging paparazzi shots in the Hamptons and demurely drinking booze straight out of the bottle in a suspected toast to singlehood.
A scorned Leo gives the impression that if you’re foolish enough not to want them, they’ll keep warm at night with the heat of their own hotness and by the eternal flame of their own arrogance.
You know the next best thing to dancing on your ex’s grave?
Spending his birthday dancing at a Bruno Mars concert while looking fine AF in a crop top.
Make no mistake — that exposed shoulder is a cold one, folks.
The tune she chose to move to? “Marry You.”
Ironic? Yes. Coincidental? Absolutely not.
Leos do nothing by accident, and to paraphrase Warren Beatty, they aren’t really interested in living unless there’s an audience.
Further evidence of Lopez’s unrepentant Leo-ness? Doubling down on the brushoff by commemorating Affleck’s birthday by posting throwback snaps from her own birthday party in July.
Petty? Perfect? A holy marriage of both?
In a world that demands we be less, Lopez’s extra is downright aspirational.
And because this broad is the lion to end all lions, said birthday party was “Bridgerton”-themed and included a horse-drawn carriage, a pre-dinner photo shoot, multiple outfit changes and a performance by Lopez herself.
Good God — the self-centralization is breathtaking.
All hail all Leos, living to let you know they love themselves and that you’re a sloppy, Dunkin’-drinking, mean-mugging fool for choosing otherwise.
Loud and proud and defiant in a crop top, folks. Bless up, and long may you roar.
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon, and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture, and personal experience. To book a reading, visit her website.
